Bexx Beihl: I am Bexx Biehl, and I am so thrilled to be here today interviewing Kathy Sparrow literary Midwife. I’ve heard some incredible things about your work so I can’t wait to talk with you about it. Kathy will be hosting an incredible event here at the ranch at Sunrise Ranch in October. It’s the Aspiring Author’s Retreat so we’re going to take some time today to talk about this Retreat and what you can expect. So, let’s just dive right in.
Kathy, what inspired you to become a literary Midwife and what that title means?
Kathy Sparrow: So I’ve been a writer for three decades, and about 10 years into my writing career, people would ask, “What do you?” I’d say, “I’m a writer,” and then I’d hear, “I’ve always wanted to be a writer.” After several times of hearing that, I thought, “Oh, I’m supposed to do something with this, and so I began coaching people in the writing process. The term literary Midwife was actually gifted to me by someone when I was at a retreat in Costa Rica with Jack Canfield. On the first day we were just hanging out in the dining area, and someone asked me what I did. I described how I worked with aspiring writers.
Another person chimed in and said, “Oh, you’re a Literary Midwife, and I thought for a moment and said, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I am because really the creation of a book or even a blog or anything that we’re writing is a birthing process. We’re being the vehicle for something that wants to come through us into the world, and as a midwife I’m right there alongside of the people I work with.
Bexx: What is your philosophy around writing books?
Kathy: I believe that once an idea for a book comes to us, the universe is tapping us on our shoulders saying, “Hey, I’ve got a mission for you. I want you to bring this book into the world.” We have a choice: we can either say yes, or we can just ignore it and be haunted by that idea for a very long time.
I laugh because I sometimes put some ideas on the back burner, thinking I have no time for them now, and then they’re just always there whispering in my ear. I’ve learned to make space for them.
If we can accept that mission, it’s really about surrendering and listening to what wants to come through us. If we can be in that place of surrender, which is a deep spiritual practice, writing becomes easier. The universe is really supporting us in bringing the project to life.
The other important factor is forming a relationship with that idea, and as we do that, the words ripple out from us. Each project has an essence, a life of its own. We honor that when we set aside the time to nurture our relationship to that idea. It’s something that Kobi Yamada suggests in his book, What Will You Do With An Idea.
And when we spend more time with that idea, we feel better. As Yamada says, “But there was something magical about my idea. I had to admit, I felt better and happier when it was around.”
Bexx: What a powerful visual. I love that. Who would you say that the Aspiring Author Retreat is actually designed for? What kind of person would benefit most from attending the retreat?
Kathy: It’s for the person who has been thinking about writing a book for years and doesn’t know where to start. They’re overwhelmed by the enormity of the project and confused about where to start. Or they have the desire to write but don’t know what to write about.
I create a space for the writing process to be digestible and easy. It isn’t writing a book. It’s one little piece at a time, and then we get to weave it together. As Anne Lamott says, bird by bird.
It’s also for the person who needs accountability. Maybe they’ve been writing on and off for some time and need a place where they can have tasks and deadlines.
Many of my clients say that they need that accountability. They just need to know that they’re going to see me every two weeks because then they’re forced to sit down and write; otherwise, they trail off, and life dictates their progress.
Bexx: Can you tell me what role spirituality plays in your approach to assisting aspiring authors?
Kathy: I have a disciplined spiritual practice, which includes meditation, prayer, breathwork, yoga, and more. I feel like I have to keep myself aligned with Spirit to fulfill my highest potential and to assist my clients in achieving their intentions for their projects.
I have a daily practice. Before I sit down and work on any of my projects or my clients’ projects, I’ll do a meditation, tap into that project’s essence, and nurture my relationship with that project. Whether I’m focusing on my books or my clients’ books, I feel like I’ve been gifted the ability to have a vision for the project. That’s because I give myself over to it. I’m in a place of surrender most of my day.
Every day I wake up, and I think about the projects that I have, and I ask what needs my attention. I may have “my” list, but I’m often directed in a different direction. I’ve learned not to fight that, and when I surrender, the writing flows. It’s very much a daily practice of surrendering and listening to what’s coming through the essence of the project. I essentially weave my technical expertise with the spiritual aspect of myself – if those two could be divided. I trust my intuitive guidance.
Bexx: It’s very important that you can offer that to other people in this process. It is such a gift because so many people are creative and just don’t know how to bring it together and organize it. Could you describe the experience of holding space for an author as they’re giving birth to their work? How does the spiritual support impact their writing process from your perspective?
Kathy: I’ll give you an example of how this works. I hold weekly writing circles, and one day, I didn’t do an opening meditation. There was a conversation that spilled over, and my logical mind kicked in and motioned us to begin writing. The next time we met one of the participants said, “I was all over the place the other day. I couldn’t get anything done.” I felt it as well. During those times, I’m writing alongside the participants.
I set the intention that we’re open for the essence of the project to come through us. I don’t have an exact script. This is another place I ask for guidance and speak it. I do the same with clients – sometimes we’ll do it together at the beginning of the session. Other times, I may just prepare the space beforehand. It is about me praying for surrender and also hearing what needs to come through. I’m open to listening to that intuitive guidance about what my client needs at the moment. It’s an incredible process that I believe enhances my relationship with my clients.
I work with people sometimes a year or more, sometimes even longer. I have one client who’s been with me for nine years. Dr. Mara Karpel and I finished her book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, about five years ago, and since then, we’ve been focusing on marketing.
Writing a book is a vulnerable process. It is a little scary to think of putting our books out in the world and bumping into someone at the grocery store who said, “I read your book.” I’ve been in that place, and it can be a bit startling because, as authors, we tend to be a bit introverted – or think we write in a bubble. Over time, it becomes easier to be seen as an author.
I help people be comfortable with the knowledge that they really have been tapped with this mission. This is not about them but about the people that they’re helping with their message.
Bexx: How special that you can provide that for people. The question that comes us is about the classic writer’s block, watching the cursor blink or just staring at a blank piece of paper. I know that’s a very common thing. Many writers face blocks and fears like you were just talking about, like the bigness of it and the application aspect. How do you assist authors with overcoming these obstacles? It sounds like you already hold space for them. What are some of tips and tricks you have up your sleeve for working with people?
Kathy: I’m a Certified Master RIM facilitator, which is an evolutionary mind/body process that helps us dissolve blocks and limiting beliefs. I use this method with my clients when they get stuck. There are certain points in the writing process where somebody’s going to say, “I just didn’t get to it this week. I needed to go do something. I’ve seen it time and time again. It’s usually when something big is about to come through, so we’ll do a RIM session instead of writing. It’s a powerful modality that allows our subconscious to dissolve the blocks that have formed, usually from some incident in an early childhood experience. The RIM sessions are almost like a writing session in that you don’t know what’s going to come out and yet on the other side of it. The blocks disappear, and the client gets back to writing. They’re confident about what’s coming through them. Their voice gets stronger. It’s an incredible tool.
Bexx: So somebody coming into this workshop will be completely held and
surrounded. I understand how the term Midwife being used here a little bit more.
Let’s say somebody is working with you, and they start to back away. They lose the connection with the deeper message of what they’re trying to write. How do you help them reconnect to their process?
Kathy: The technical part of the process is also important. We have certain steps that we go through. The first step is called Setting the Stage. We look at why we want to write a book, what we want to write about, who we want to write for and how that book is going to change not only our readers’ lives but our own. We also name the obstacles that might get in the way; most of the time, we know. I can look at my schedule for the next six months and note that I’m not going to get any writing done in October because I’m going to be at Sunrise Ranch facilitating the workshop. Or I know I’m going on vacation with my partner in July. Then, I figure out how I can work around that and do some writing so I don’t lose the connection with the project. If we name our obstacles, we can plan. Some people have regular jobs. I have one person who knows that she can’t meet me during the week because her business demands so much of her. So I open up space on Saturday, and we do do some work.
The second step, especially for memoirs and nonfiction, to draw lessons from our lives is to create a Timeline and look at all the points in our lives where we’ve had experiences from which we’ve learned some lessons.
Then we move onto the Premise. Each chapter has a purpose. We might have a main idea for the book, but then each chapter has a role in guiding our readers to a greater understanding of the main concept.
Bexx: Earlier, you said you make it digestible, so it’s not this big intimidating thing. I’m also hearing something that is jumping out at me. Someone is not just writing their book with you. They’re initiating a healing process in their life.
Kathy: Writing is so cathartic because if we’re able to write about our lives from an arms-length view, we’re not immersed in it. We’re not in the thick of things. With some distance from our circumstances, we gain clarity. Then, we share our thoughts and ideas with our audience. It’s not just our healing; it becomes theirs as well. They’re able to take our experiences and our lessons and see parallels in their own lives. The circumstances might not be exactly the same but they will be similar enough where they can glean some healing from that.
Bexx: Would you tell me about a memorable experience where your spiritual guidance and holding of someone’s processes significantly impacted an author’s journey?
Kathy: One currently comes to mind, and this was a collaborative writing project where the author was just super busy and knew what he wanted to say, but I did the actual writing. We had an outline and had a first draft. I was feeling like something wasn’t right. I ended up dismantling that entire book. The book ended up being so much more powerful because of that guidance.
Another client was on a hiatus for a good part of last year because her father passed, and when she came back, we started looking at what she’d already written, and we’re now weaving it together in a different way to what’s more appropriate. She’s been changed, so the book has to change. She wants to do some speaking, and so this is actually more in alignment with that intention.
Bexx: That’s a really good point point you brought up too. Some people could actually start their career by writing a book and then speak from that book. Around the first example you gave, how did that author respond to you rearranging their creation?
Kathy: This is not a transactional process, where we meet on Zoom, and I review their homework. It’s a co-collaborative creative process. Even though I’m sitting in my condo, looking out over the street from my office, I believe my presence in my clients’ lives makes them feel “I’m not alone in this process.”
Bexx: That’s really what I’m hearing. You’re very much present and surround them almost with a motherly kind of energy. So how does the environment, like at Sunrise Ranch, where we’ve had countless people come here and do their spiritual energetic process, help support someone who is starting out on their journey?
Kathy: I’ve got chills because I’ve also just recently learned that there have been some books written there. Neale Donald Walsh wrote Conversations with God. Being able to get out of daily lives where the garbage needs to go out, the dog needs to be walked, the cat needs to be fed, the kids need be go dropped off at school, and the partner wants company at night, gives us space to be uninterrupted. If we can just give ourselves that gift to step away, we can be in a place of listening and
really making a commitment to the relationship with that project. As I said before, it’s a relationship. As Kobe Yamada says, if we spend some time with an idea, it grows. It’s like any relationship. If it’s valuable to us, we need to spend more time with it. It’s like saying “yes” to the Universe by going away and being in a place that has a spiritual foundation, out in nature. It’s absolutely gorgeous there. I’m looking forward to coming back and just being in that quiet and having some space to to put the rest of the world.
Bexx: Then there’s another piece of that, too. We’re an intentional community, so coming into this workshop, they’d be stepping into a community environment that would amplify their process. By saying, yes, I’m going to do it. I commit to this. I’m going on a date with myself where there are 29 other authors; how would that change someone’s process from your perspective?
Kathy: We always like to know that other people are in the same situation. In some ways, it’s like, “Oh my gosh. What am I doing? I’ve got this book idea. Am I crazy…But when share that with others who have the same intention of writing, you discover that you’re not alone. Other people are feeling the same way.
Bexx: I love that idea. There’s validation, camaraderie, and support.
Kathy: I’ve been there myself. I’m not leading people through anything else that I’ve that I’ve not experienced. I had a high school guidance counselor who told me I’d never be a writer. I was 14 years old at the time. I didn’t start writing for almost ten years, but luckily, that call to write wouldn’t go away. I finally took the step where I wrote an essay and put it in the mail to a local community paper, and that started my career as a freelance journalist. I was interviewing people creative people – writers, artists, dancers – and telling their stories. At the time, I lived two hours north of New York City and was surrounded by creatives. From there, I just kept writing for a number of magazines and moved into the book publishing world.
But there were certain points in my career where that fear came back up. The next big one was when I wrote my thesis. I was in a heap the night before because I could feel this man’s words seep into my thoughts, “You’ll never be a writer.” I just poured my heart and soul for two years into writing this thesis for my master’s, and those doubts came up. The next day, after my defense, one of the members of my committee said, “Wow, that’s PhD material; that’s dissertation level.
So those words may come back right, but I know what they feel like, and I know how to get over it. About six months ago, I’m began moving into screenwriting for an animation project. It’s exciting, but that little bit of fear was still there. That voice was saying, “You’ll never be a writer,” raised its head. I almost had our agent take over the project and write the scripts. Then I thought, “ What am I doing? I know how to do this. I want to do this.” I was taking my writing to a new level, and that fear rose to the surface, but I stopped it.
Bexx: So anything can step in that room with you at the retreat and know you understand what they’re going through.
Kathy: Yes, I’ve been there. I’ve had the fears. I’ve had the doubts. I’ve procrastinated. And I know how to get people through it.
Bexx: I’m hearing something here, too, that I think is really valuable for other people who have heard that same kind of thing that you heard. I hear that you are the overriding voice that comes through and says, “Yes, you can do it, and let’s do it together. You’re not alone. I’ve got a process.” There’s something so beautiful here. I see that you are like an alchemist. So people are really getting this incredible experience of being uplifted and seen in their highest vision for themselves through your eyes.
Kathy: I’m sitting here tearing up because last week, I had an incredible experience where I facilitated a character development workshop for my granddaughter’s second-grade class. A part of me worried about teaching eight-year-olds because I teach university students and adults. I wondered, “How am I going to do this? Even though I’ve had kids, I’ve never taught them how to write, nor my grandchildren. I was in this classroom for an hour and a half, and the kids came alive. I gave them permission to create and a little bit of guidance, and they created some incredible characters. When I left, I got to the sidewalk and I had a little moment where I had to pause and feel the emotion. I thought, “Oh my God, I just gave them something I didn’t have, and that was a role model; somebody would say yes, you can. I would say hat at least four or five of those 20 kids are going to go on to do something creatively–– writing, illustrating.
Later that day, I received an email from the teacher and she said that after the students came back from lunch, they jumped right back into their project. She shared, “After an hour and a half, I had to pull them away from their work. That never happens!” So being in that classroom, giving those kids permission to
be and to create and to try, was just was just a beautiful experience. I became the role model that I did not have. I’m blessed to be able to do this work.
Bexx: It really seems like you’re teaching other people how to say “yes” through your living. I’ve written some, as well, in my life, and I do feel that inner child energy come up, and there’s the doubt. You really touched into something beautiful talking about working with these kids because we’re just big kids. We have that same desire to feel lit up and want to come back to it. That’s such a gift that you’re able to provide for someone.
Kathy: I feel so blessed that I get to live a the life of a writer. I live a writable life
Bexx: What advice would you give to somebody who feels called to write their book? They know what they want to write, but it’s just not coming out, and they’re struggling to start it, or they’ve started it, and they’re having a hard time staying motivated.
Kathy: As I said earlier, it’s about developing a relationship with the project and also acknowledging this idea came from Consciousness, the Universe Being, there
Spirit, which said, “I got something for you. Let’s do it together.” So our job is to say “yes” and to make time for that relationship, whether it’s 15 minutes a day, or a Sunday morning, or Saturday afternoon.
I’m a morning writer. Elizabeth Gilbert is a morning writer. She says, “My favorite time to write is between 5 to 10 a.m. because that way, you have total silence before the world starts chasing you down.”
I have clients who like writing in the middle of the night. I’ve read that David Beluchi, like John Grisham, both attorneys would write in the morning or late at night or on weekends while they’re still practicing law. We have to make time. I have to do it for my own writing because I have clients and I teach at the University.
Bexx: So you help people to learn a sense of discipline and routine by just showing up for it repeatedly.
Kathy: It is a practice, like meditating. You’ve got to show up even on those days when you just don’t want to. But you know that it’ll make you feel so good if you do. There are times with my ghostwriting project when l just don’t want to sit down with that project. But I have to because my client’s waiting for it, and so when I do, I think, “What was this resistance about, right?: So I still go through it. I still have to practice what I share.
Bexx: Mel Robbins says if you don’t want to do something, do it anyway. It feels l like there’s this loving push to show up for yourself. So, what are some common
themes of issues and struggles that people have?
Kathy: For most people, it’s about scheduling, the doubts, the fears, the confusion, and the overwhelm. It’s also about the other people in our life. So, the first step is to find a time that you’d like to write and negotiate with the people in your life. Say, “I need two hours in the morning to write.” Block that time.
Then, acknowledge that your writing isn’t going to look and feel good at first. Forget perfection. Ann Lamont says it’s going to be the shitty first draft. I write shitty first drafts, and I don’t let people see what I’ve written for them until maybe the third or fourth draft. Then, I still want to make revisions. I think this is so important for people to hear because so many people give up on any kind of creative expression when they see it wasn’t perfect right out the gate. Writing is rewriting. You get one layer down, then you step back and go oh, I need to make a change.
I’ve co-written Stanky & Cece: Break the Rules and Stanky & Cece: Out of Control, children’s books, and I’ve been going into the classrooms and reading them. As I’m reading them I notice things I want to change. I had a mentor in screenwriting from 15 years ago who urged me to turn in my script. I kept saying I wasn’t ready. He said, “Kathy, creative projects are never completed; they’re only abandoned.”
Bexx: I have a question about the structure of the retreat. It sounds like there’s a community atmosphere, with the other writers supporting each other. What would participants expect if they were going to come to this workshop?
Kathy: So it will be a writing studio style, meaning we’ll get together, where I’ll give a talk on the session’s themes, setting the stage, developing a timeline, structuring the chapters, and hopefully by the end of those five days, the participants will have a start on a rough draft. In the mornings, we’re going to have some lecture teaching and then some implementation and writing time, and then the same thing in the afternoon, a lecture and writing time, implementation. In the evening, they’ll be a little less writing. We’ll do the process of tapping into the energy of our project and clearing the blocks so it’ll be a group RIM session. We’ll also talk about author platforms, marketing, and publishing options. And the last morning, we’ll acknowledge our wins because that’s really important, to acknowledge what we’ve accomplished and make a commitment to what we are going to do to keep things going.
Bexx: Let’s say somebody gets through this workshop. They’re just jamming out on their book, and they’re leaving feeling so uplifted. But they’re not done, and they still need more assistance. Can they get more Kathy in their life? How does that work?
Kathy: I like what you said about cohort because there will be an opportunity for this group to continue their work together with ongoing virtual meetings.
Bexx: What is your ultimate wish for anyone who joins the Aspiring Authors Retreat?
Kathy: I want them to walk away with the confidence that they can write, they are writers and that they have something really valuable that someone in the world needs. We never know who our words are going to touch. Sometimes, a book might save somebody’s life. We don’t know what the mission of the book is. We just know that we’ve gotten this idea and that it wants to come through this. I would say this for fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and children’s books. We learn through story.
My mission is to bring light into the world with words, and so I believe that anybody who’s in that workshop will be doing the same. I hope they go away feeling really proud of themselves that they’ve finally broken through the resistance, the procrastination, the fear, the doubt, the overwhelm, the confusion and said, “Yes, I’m doing this.”
Bexx: The Aspiring Author’s Retreat is October 9-13, 2024. For more information, see Sunrise Ranch website. You’re not going to want to miss this epic adventure.
